The Manchester Mafia presents.......

The Manchester Mafia are once again bringing us The Manchester International Festival! Reuniting chums Hans Ulrich Obrist, Maxine Peake, Bjork, legendary Mancunian Damon Albarn, Peter Saville (no relation to Jimmy) and the oldest swinger in town Dave Haslem. All together again for another money spinning year.

Portfolio Reviews Are Fucking Nonsense.

Save your money..

Fat Fuckers...

Jamie Oliver the patron saint of the middle classes as Grayson Perry calls him, was banging on again in the papers about us poor people being fat and it all being down to takeaways.
Anyway in view of this piece of wisdom I thought I would make a takeaway menu for the Michelin star restaurant that he trained in. No war only Class War as they say.

Sylvia Kristel RIP

Thank you Sylvia Kristal on behalf of a generation of schoolboys.

Today town was all cordoned off around spinningfields while they took THIS dick to court. Police everywhere, coppers with guns helicopters the works. That will only panda to him and all the other little shits who have watched too much telly and listened to too much shit rap. No they should of handcuffed him, made him wear a dress and took him to court in a fucking icecream van.

Why Sean O'Hagan is a Big Smelly Fart...

I'm probably taking The Guardian's Sean O'Hagan REVIEW of Roger Ballen a little bit personally. So that's why I'm name calling, that and the fact that far from being a serious piece of Art criticism O'Hagan seems to be doing the same. Although at first glance it may look like a review of the show currently on at MANCHESTER ART GALLERY he seems more concerned with Ballen's personality and skill as a public speaker than talking about the work. I normally agree with much of what Mr O'Hagan has to say like HERE for instance.

This time though I think he has been bloody lazy I don't think he has even seen the show although with the links it leads you to believe he has and is reviewing it. I'm not putting Roger Ballen on a pedestal, hell the man has got a terrible taste in fleeces and corduroy trousers, I'm just expecting a Guardian Art critic to try a little harder and have a little bit more respect for one of photography's more interesting practitioners, but perhaps that's my mistake. For a more worthwhile read try HERE.

Great British Minds.

Can there be two greater intellects? Two minds with a greater sense of rhetoric and a more rigorous logic? This is how it must have been in ancient Greece.

As Rik from The Young Ones used to say, "never trust a hippy"

Who says Britain no longer manufactures and exports anything? Sorry is that in bad taste? No you're right, taking the piss out of Britain's lack of a manufacturing base is no laughing matter....

Here We Go Again.

I don't mind the Royal family they're a hoot, and if nothing else they make me grateful that my own family function so well. I know all the pomp and ceremony that the world laps up is about the only thing that GB plc is any good at these days, fuck we even have to share boats with the French. Without the Queen & CO we would be about as well known on the world stage as say Luxemburge. See I can't even be bothered learning how to spell that place.

What I hate is all the shit news coverage that we are going to have to swallow over the coming months. "I thought Kate did so well at the press conference" cooed some stupid 'preppy' looking old tart of a Royal corespondent. Did well? all the girl had to do was stand up and smile. Although that's a good start, the previous occupier of the glass slippers she's about to fill was today described by Martin Bashir as "No great thinker" which made me laugh.

So a toast to the new Royal couple, and all the tea-towels, mugs, plates, T-shirts, secret lovers, nervous breakdowns, divorces, addictions, abdications, thieving butlers, billionaire Arab playboys, toe sucking army officers, racist remarks, drink problems, madness, etc etc. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND ALL WHO SAIL IN HER.

GLAZERS OUT!

JOIN HERE.

I'm not going to go on about THIS. However I will say that if your only purpose in life is to catch a fucking ball and you can't, well maybe it's time to re-evaluate. We'll leave it at that.

Saint Obama has been remarkably quiet about all THIS. Perhaps his thoughts on it are just not being reported over here. I know the EU are going to give Israel a stiff talking to. Good job they don't have any of them there 'Weapons of mass destruction' or they would really be in trouble. They do? Right then perhaps the EU should come down hard on them and push to ban Israel from next years EUROVISION SONG CONTEST........

'Brass Neck'

Image copyright Mark Page

A ZERO TOLERANCE Sticker on a window at Manchester Town hall. The same Town hall where Sir Richard Leese was reinstated last week as leader of the City Council.....

Seperated At Birth?

Mrs Weasley and Hazel Blears. Please for Gods sake if you live in Salford and vote HERE. Help get this at best, incompetent and at worst, corrupt fucker out.

If I have to listen to one more halfwit say, "I don't know really, my family have always voted LABOUR so I always have"

Zoriah I'm Glad I'm Not you........

"I have decided to offer a special small group workshop in Haiti focused on photographing the aftermath of the earthquake. Subjects covered will be working in disaster zones and other difficult and dangerous situations, survival and logistics in difficult environments, photograph people, working with NGO's (Non Governmental Organizations) and aid organizations, editing and digital darkroom technique and marketing and making your stories available for the world to see.

In addition to working together as a small group, each student will receive one full day of one-on-one training in the field with me. This will allow each student to have their personal needs met and get one-on-one instruction in addition to that of the group activities.

This workshop is open to a maximum of four students. Cost is $4000 USD for seven days and students will be required to pay their own expenses." Writes Zoriah HERE. 4/2/10 Zoriah lost his bottle or found his conscience and took down the post. MP

Along the same lines:

Sunday you can put "yer two penneth worth" in on a BAG NEWS NOTES. As to how Haiti has been represented by photographers so far. Photojournalism as an Art (and I'm not sure that it is) has always been a little bit brash, a little bit gungho, a little bit shock & awe. Great for the Sunday papers, the Picture Post even the coffee table book, but it seems to me to be stuck in some strange no-mans land between the instant (relative) objectivity of TV crews and the subjective slower more considered Documentary/Art photography. If it's remit is to inform and show us things a new and after 50 or 60 years it continues to rehash the same cliched images of suffering what's the point? You would be better off staying at home and photographing Jordon's tits, that's beginning to seem more honourable. It seems now certainly with Haiti and perhaps before, that it's becoming more about paid education, like some sick self perpetuating pointless ultimate photo holiday. It has as much relevance for the modern world as the blood thirsty etching's in a Victorian tabloid.

Thank fuck for Simon Norfolk, Broomberg and Chanarin, and the like is all I can say, at least they are using the stills camera to produce something more than disaster/war porn.

Thanks to the eagle eyes of Stan & Pete.